No "Pilot Inspektor" in Germany

Names are important everywhere--names of places, persons, families. German extends this even further by capitalizing the names of everything from moods to social trends, thus making them seem more like names. But we are all used to capitalizing personal names (I can think of two famous exceptions: e.e.cummings and bell hooks); it's a measure of how important they are to us. The first question asked new parents is: what is her/his name? And what celebrities name their children has long been the stuff of gossip columns and magazines. Most parents feel that it's nobody's business but their own what they name their children. But in Germany, that's not true. It's the business of the local registry (Standesamt).

When parents go to register the name they've chosen for their new-born, they are subject to governmental approval. If the Standesamt doesn't approve, the couple must appeal the decision, and even then may be denied the right to name their child whatever they want to. How the bureau makes its decision isn't entirely arbitrary: the name must reflect the sex of the baby and not subject the child to shame or embarrassment. There are other restrictors: last names cannot be hyphenated (on the grounds that a child with a hyphenated name might grow up to marry a person who also has a hyphenated last name, and so on, into infinity...), first names can be foreign but must be in current use in the country of origin, and brand names are generally rejected (like McDonald or Chanel, although the name Pepsi-Carola was approved, according to an article in the Wall Street Journal). Many parents use the services of the Language Society to back up their choices. Through its 20 branches in other countries, the Language Society renders a yay or nay in several thousand cases a year. That is not to say that Germans cannot use foreign names; in fact, the Uwes, Hedwigs, Klauses and Edeltrauts are fast giving way to the Leonis, Luises, Emilys and Pauls. (See popular German names in german.about.com.)

Germany is not the only country that regulates names. But this practice is so alien to Americans, it smacks of totalitarianism. Yet when you consider some of the names that are out there, it begins to sound like a good idea. How about LaPimp for a little girl in honor of her imprisoned daddy? It's not so much that the child will be ridiculed or even reviled (consider the name Adolph) but that we should be thinking about our kids, not ourselves. The child is going to have to live with the moniker for the rest of her life, unless she goes to the trouble of changing it. But it takes a lot of determination, money, and government consent to do that. Why not give your child a fighting chance from the start?

I know it's not that simple: I wanted to give my daughters names that were really different--so I named them Kristen, Carrie, and Kelli. Needless to say, I didn't realize that the names were just beginning to be wildly popular. I learned my lesson by daughter number four: her name is Dori, but I'm beginning to hear that name more often...ah, well. I was the only Ellen I knew growing up; now I'm seeing my name everywhere--and I hate that! Yet how could my parents have known what was going to be popular fifty years into the future? It can happen to any of us.

Although I sincerely doubt that it will happen to Pilot Inspektor.

[For a discussion on naming, see the Baby Name Wizard.]